Online Poker Site

Poker Table Quotes

So, we give out a lot of good information on online poker sites. That is, quite naturally, our specialty. However, lest we be accused of forgetting some of the wonders of playing poker face to face with other human beings, here are some gems overheard at the poker table.

(Please note: this list is cribbed, borrowed, and stolen from other sources, at the times when it hasn’t been invented whole cloth. We believe that we’re protected because it’s all hearsay. We aren’t really sure what hearsay means, but this is the interwebs, so we have to assume no one can find us. )

(Also note: If you’re prone to a sense of nostalgia and might stop betting online due to the wit and charm displayed below, please refrain from reading the following.)

Never fold before the flop because you never know when you might hit something.

Some dealers let good cards win, some let bad cards win. You need to find out which dealers are which.

AK off is better than AK suited because you can make a flush with either suit -Phil Hellmuth

Dealer: You know Jim, I thought I'd seen everything till the other night.
Player: Then what?
Dealer: I got your wife's clothes off.
Player: Been there done that.
Dealer: So have tables 12, 14, & 17.

7 Card Stud. Player has 6969 as his upcards.
Dealer: Dinner for four!

Player (pointing to the dealer): He dealt me out!
Floorman: Were you in your seat?
Player: I never left my seat.
Floorman (to dealer): Why’d you deal him out?
Dealer: He asked to be dealt out?
Player: I certainly did not!
Dealer (to floor man): Well, I had trouble understanding him, he either asked to be dealt out or he called me a [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted]. I was giving him the benefit of the doubt.

From Blackjack. Player is down about $4,000. He’s upped his bet and has put a $1,000 dollar bet in the circle.

Player is dealt A,6
Dealer has a 5.

The player looks hard at the deal. He removes a business card from his pocket and dials his cell phone.

Player: Hello, is this Gambler’s Anonymous?
Operator: Yes. The Dealer indicates to the player he needs to act. He holds up his finger for her to wait a moment.

Player: Miss, I think I have a problem.
Operator: OK sir, its good that you can admit that you have a problem, would you care to discuss it?

Player: Sure, I'm betting 1k a hand, I'm sitting on soft 17, dealer is showing a 5. Should I double down?

Texas Hold’em. A 3rd diamond has just come on the river, and player 1 has won the hand with a flush.

Player1: I was praying for a diamond.
Player2: Yeah, I was praying for no diamonds.
Player1: I guess we found out who god likes more.

Typed in the chat at an online casino after a dealer blackjack. Player: This is why I stopped tipping.

After the power goes out in a California card room.
Shouted by a random player: Making Change!

Player1: How’d you do?
Player2: I broke even.
Player1: Oh man, I try to break even every time I come in here. I need the money!